Random Post: Keep it or leave it?

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

What would you do about a friend that you think might lead you to bad things or negative influences? Would you keep them or leave them? What would you do about a friend that you feel so much tired of because they treat you nicely only when they need something from you? Would you keep them or leave them? Moreover, what would you do about a friend, that you want to keep going in a right way, suddenly asked you to lie, and impolitely involve you to their relationship and family drama? 

I know, I am a hunk of flaws myself. I make mistakes, I forget things, no one is perfect. But, if we only think from one's perspective, we won't make progress. In order to be better, to live a much better life in the world and akhirat, we need to consider about the other's perspectives as well, we need to choose and make decisions.

I don't think there is anyone I would particularly refers to, nor expecting anyone to read this. I just want to share this experience to any of you, who probably came by reading this post, and hopefully can take this as a lesson. This is a story I've been keeping in for quite sometimes, because I've been arguing with my own self whether to write this or not, by keep doing what I've been doing, silent, because actually I'm afraid this story would lead to different understanding. But, whatever, I've got nothing to lose, I'm gonna write it anyway.

Do you have someone who is so much in your hood, when you share the same interest, endless topic being talked when you meet, and can relate to many things between each other, then you naturally became friends? I bet you have at least one in your life. As for me, I have, and actually more than one, I clicked that way to several people. I basically looove to make friends, meet people, get to know people, but I feel this kind of hood not just to anyone, only to certain people, which most of them are now such a dear friend. Well yeah, from all of  them, there's one person I used to call a good friend. I'm not saying that we're no more, but at least, we used to be very close. Until the moment I think I could not handle things between us anymore, I decided to stay out of everything.

I've never felt like soooo much irritated before when someone puts me in difficult situation. I'm not gonna tell everything in details, but we were close as much as sleepover in each other's house, as much as I drove her to her house which is more than 15 km away from my house, back and forth. Not just because she's a friend, but she was living alone here to study, so, I was kinda care about that too. She also ran an online shop, when one day my other friend told me about ordering a custom made item to her, but it came out in a wrong size. After that, my friend gave her the new fabric, but then she missed the deadline, said she will send it with courier but said the package got stuck and never arrived, she gave so many doesnt-make-sense reasons, don't know if she really send it, but, she didn't finish the order until today, even if it's paid and not refunded. Not hating, not expecting anything back, just regretting her attitude so much.

Moving on to the real story. The problem started when I let her borrow one of my shirt. To be honest, the shirt was not really mine, it was sponsored, and I haven't reviewed it. I told her to return it as soon as possible after the event because I need to do my job. But at first, I didn't rush her or anything, I even told her that I will pick it up myself at her house (even if she's the one borrowing) but we never find the right time because I think, okay, she was busy, even I told her just to put it in front of her house, she didn't reply.

Okay, next of the next day, we discussed about when can I get my shirt back, she got annoyed with me maybe because she was extremely busy but I keep nagging her to return it, then she told me that she will send it with courier. Now that's when I started getting really angry. Like seriously? She's only 15 km away. I didn't even hesitate to send her from my house-to her house-back to my house before. I was so angry cus I got remembered when she wanted to send my friend's order but said the package got stuck and never arrived. I wouldn't mind she took it or lose it if I buy the shirt myself, but this time is different. It's sponsored, I owe a review to the company, I couldn't lose it. I reach my limit, I told her to return it directly to my house. This end up with the security guard which is only 5 meters away from my block, knocked my door, hand me a paper bag, with my shirt inside, wrinkled like a ball, and smelled so terribly bad. I felt like I got slapped hard in the face. I didn't do anything but took a deep breath, and istighfar. Yaa Allah.

Long story short before all of this arose, her mom didn't like her relationship. I was kinda shocked because her mom called me crying, like literally, crying about her being against the family, and asked if I can change her mind. Well, I could only listen. I'm not in the capacity to decide who can date her nor having the rights to say anything about the relationship. I mean, I'm just a friend, I'm nobody to be put into her relationship problem, but she continued the relationship without letting her parents know, well, I can only gave her advice not to make everything worse.

Few days after the security guard knocked my door, I decided to not say anything. I didn't wanna meet her for a while. I was busy myself when suddenly her number appeared calling me but missed for few times. I was like,

'well.........now what?!'

My brain kept telling my hand, 'don't answer! don't!' I rejected the call.

She called again, my heart was like, 'It's already the third call, could she be in danger? What if it's just an unnecessary call? Oh, come on, just listen what's the damn matter', then I answered.

It's only been a few days since she treated me that way, I barely listened cus actually I'm not in the mood of talking to her, I wanted to forget what she did to me. Guess what? She asked me where I was that time, she told me there's a parcel she bought from a fashion e-commerce that she ordered using her bf's account, with her bf's name on the package, arrived at her house, received by her big sis who was currently coming, and so, she confused about what to say because her family only know that she's no longer in a relationship. Ohhh...kay, let me catch my breath. So, she asked me whether she could pick me up in my house that time, to go to her house, to help her explain to her family that I was the one who ordered, that I borrowed her bf's account to order.

Okay, so far, I couldn't even believe she actually said that to me. It's exactly like what I expected, an unnecessary call. I cringed when I heard her talking. I said no way, of course! I told her I was out of town, I was not in my house that time but she insisted asking when will I comeback. No! I didn't want her to pick me up, moreover, asking me to lie to her family? Hell no! I couldn't stand any longer I ended the call. Few days before, I asked her to send my shirt over to my house and look what she did to me, now she insisted to pick me up at my house, and it's totally fine for her to go all the way to my house. I really have lost my patient, I told her to fix everything up on her own, and to not involve me in her relationship problem. I mean, don't tell me what to do.

I think I was being too rude myself that time. But, after the call, I was like, so much irritated I don't wanna be fooled anymore, so tired of all this drama. This problem is only a few of so many dramas that I experienced from her. Since then, I prevent myself from meeting her, nor talked to her because I'm afraid that I would only think negatively, or talk bad. I decided to stay out of everything, that involves her.

She probably not realizing about why I became this way. A month later, she called me few times asking me to meet her, but I never said yes, I went to Bandung a lot that time. One day I needed to pass a message to her, I asked a friend instead to tell her so I don't need to talk to her. Told my friend I lost her number because I got my phone on reset. She then updated her status after my friend contacted her that I was doing some silly method to prevent talking to her. Actually yes, I know I was being silly, why? not sure, just don't wanna talk to her. Because, few minutes before she updated, I got two calls from her mom that I purposely didn't answer so that the daughter and the mom can finish the problem themselves. I was talking alone, now who's being silly? How can she care much about me being silly, I'm not important, I'm nobody. Just care more about her mom, who are million times more important, who probably called me asking about her daughter.

I actually feel sorry because I was kinda neglect her, but I just can't stand it anymore, I'm too tired of her. I don't want this unhealthy friendship goes on. I don't know if she knew that she did wrong to me, or her mother, cus she never said sorry. It was a habit that she almost never ever ever, said sorry, whenever she made mistake. But, that's okay. It's no longer a problem. She's now just like a normal person to me, whom I don't meet much like any other person I've met in my life. 

Now, I just feel my life much more peaceful, and all praise to Allah, after just keeping myself sabar, not complaining much, He gave me a multiple times better replacement. Alhamdulillah, now I get to know some amazing new friends, with amazing experiences, who are not demanding me to be perfect, or looking at each other based on popularity, or what we have. They just accept me for who I am, and I accept them for who they are. I became friends with anyone whose personality clicked me, and they just clicked me better like we've known each other for long. Some of them have also gained much more than me, a mom to be, a doctor, a wife, bloggers, entrepreneurs, etc. but still keeping their head low, not having that superior feeling.

I don't care if there are people who think that I only want to be friends to certain people who are pretty or popular. They just dont know me, and I don't click with negativities. It's scary to be friends with people who has that kinda way of thinking. I'm just feeling really thankfull that my friends now could gave me a lot of life lesson I can learn to, and lead me to a more positives influences ahead, insyaAllah. To her, I only wish nothing but goodness will come to her always. Soar with her own ability, and hope she succeed, amin. 

Remember, if you want to know someone's personality, look at their friends. Friends give huge impact in your life. Look for the good ones, that makes you remember Allah, and you shall have a good life, insyaAllah. 

Thanks for reading. Love, Lia <3


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3 sweetness

  1. awwww. hugs from the Philippines, Lia. I miss you! <3 As we get older, we get to know people better and we learn to pick friends. :*

  2. Oh... I'm so glad that you choose to leave it behind you... Just don't get involved too far in somebody's life because it can cost you a lot. I don't talk about money. There's time and energy that you already wasted to stand with all the drama with her. It's good thing that you choose to move on. Maybe she's in difficult time, but we have to mind our life too.

  3. So sorry to hear about what happened between you and your friend *hugs*
    You know, something similar happened to me too, only it was the other way around. I learnt a lot from it. I hope your friend will realise her mistakes and learn from them too:) Anyway, it's nice to hear that you're happier now:)


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